Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
