Having a random hookup so left but love u
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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