her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
