and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Still dying that you shit outside
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
