Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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