he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
