I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
do herpes really smell.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
