theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
