Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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