Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
