I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
