I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
