Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
