Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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