I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
