If i come over, it means nothing
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
