Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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