This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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