is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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