what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
the raccoons are back...
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