i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
