do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
