11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
