uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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