I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
