there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
