i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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