I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
