dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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