This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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