there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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