I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
