today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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