CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
