Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
