the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
