i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
