just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
