I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
