Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
