my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
