and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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