yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
