you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
