found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
