i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
