thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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