Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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