Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
