He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
