apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
