The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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