remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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