I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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