dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
