Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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