Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
